I have never been to Coachella. I want to go, I really do. But, alas, I am too young and live nowhere near Coachella Valley. Because of this small fact, I have been reduced to looking like I’ve been to Coachella even though I haven’t ever been. It’s a sad, sad state of affairs, but it’s true. I figured if I am going to do this, I might as well do it right so I tried to think of everything down to questions people might ask regarding Coachella.  Now, take note of the warning sign at the beginning of this post. This is just supposed to be for fun. Something you could try out if you have nothing else better to do on Coachella weekend—an experiment if you will. Don’t take it to heart if people don’t take it seriously or don’t believe you and know that you didn’t or couldn’t go to Coachella. It’s not a big deal. It’s just for fun. This brings me to my first step. Just like in the video I stole these snapshots from: HAVE FUN.
Sing it with me: Step number one is that you gotta have fun. Having fun is essential to life… and to faking your Coachella visit. So while doing this, if you decide to do this, have fun! Cause baby when you’re done, you’ve got to be the first to laugh. That’s just how it is. Now, Step number two.
Pamper yourself. For our first fake Coachella visit you are going to want to pick out and wear the clothes you would wear to Coachella. For those of you who do not know this, Coachella is not just a music festival. It’s a music festival and a fashion statement. You go there wearing clothes you probably wouldn’t wear on a daily bases and you do that because there will be celebrities and people will be taking pictures. You don’t want to go to Coachella wearing your normal jeans and t-shirt because people will be looking and they will notice that you did not take the time to pick out cute clothes. You don’t want to take a picture with a celebrity looking like a sloppy jalopy. Because it will go down in history. I know that you are not technically going to the festival this year and you don’t need to pick out the clothes that you would wear but you can still feel like you went. And picking out your clothes may help with that. On top of picking and wearing your clothes you want to get your toes and nails done. You also want to get a tan because at Coachella it will be hot and if you were to have gone you would’ve gotten one. Now, this can be a spray tan or a real tan. If you live near one, go to the beach grab some sunscreen and lay out until you’re covered in a beautiful golden glow. Not only will you look like you’ve been to Coachella, you will be ready for summer. Next, step number 3.
Ignore that cray-cray face she’s making.
Music! Man, I absolutely love music. Couldn’t live without it. And if you want to go to Coachella you are probably the same way. So I suggest you visit the Coachella site and look at the line up for the first and second weekend of the festival.
Your fave?
After you’ve examined the lineup, pick out the bands that you would go to the festival to listen to. There will be a lot of artists attending the festival, so you may want to make a list of some sort. Then go to YouTube or grab your ipod/mp3 player/ipad or whatever you use to listen to music and make a playlist of all of your favorite songs by the singers that will be playing live at Coachella. Remember, the first step to believing it, is living it. So create your playlist and put it on blast on the days that those artists would be playing at Coachella. Though you may not get to hear them play live (this time) you still get to listen to your favorite bands and rock out as if they were there in your bedroom. Now, step number 4. The next and final step.
Et Cetera, Et Cetera.  I know that normally when you go to a place you’ve never been before you take pictures and buy souvenirs so that you can forever remember your first time being there. But sense you haven’t actually gone to Coachella you won’t be able to have those little mementos. That’s a LIE. You will! Or at least your own little version of it. You can think of it as the time you were so desperate to go to Coachella that you faked it. Sense Coachella is a semi grassy plain, to take pictures you can visit your neighborhood park. If you go to the least grassy area of the park where there is just a little bit of grass, lay down a blanket, and then throw your body on top of it you can have somebody take a picture of you from behind so that it looks like you were far too busy celebrity spotting to turn around for a photo op. Not only will it fool the person your showing it to, the picture will also be Tumblr worthy which is a plus. If you don’t feel like doing that, like I wouldn’t, you can take a picture where your background is the grass and you’re coming from the top at your own house. Like an outside “selfie”. Anywhere where the grass is your background, should be fine.
Now, if anyone asks about souvenirs or merchandise tell them to get a life or if you’re trying to be nice say you didn’t want one or forgot to buy one. You can also make your own. I don’t know how easy it will be, but it’s possible. As for festival passes? Simple, you tossed or lost yours. Your room is far too dirty to find a little wrist band with the Coachella logo on it. You can stretch that lie until next year, when you will be able to go to Coachella. Note: I am in no way promoting lying. It was just a joke.
Well, that’s all I have for you. No matter what you do, don’t forget the first rule/step: Have fun! If you have something else I should add, put it in the comment box or email me. (Happy belated Easter, and April Fool’s Day!) 🙂
–sagedandconfused
Saged & Confused 