What Did The Skeleton Say To The Vampire? And 51 Other Clever Halloween Jokes

So, the answer to that question is: You suck. I know, I know. Hilarious. Get up off the floor from laughing so hard. Okay, okay. It’s 2 am, okay guys? Cut me some slack. Sheesh.

I honestly have no idea what I am going to be for Halloween. The only thing I can think of is “cooler than you”.  I feel like October just started and I should be getting ready for my sisters’ birthday (October 2nd and 16th). It’s not like it crept up on me, It’s just I was so unprepared for this month that I spent this month preparing for it, if that makes any sense. But, nonetheless, I plan to stay in the house all day watching scary movies (I’ll tell you how that goes) and then go trick or treating with the fam around 8.  Should be exciting. Thoroughly looking forward to it. I’m so stoked. This is so thrilling. (<== see what I did there?) I know those sound sarcastic, but they’re genuine like ginuwine. I think that should be a Halloween joke all on it’s own. Speaking of witch here are 51 clever Halloween jokes that’ll make you say


  1. Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately. (Tee hee)
  2. What do you call someone who puts poison in a person’s corn flakes? A cereal killer.
  3. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
  4. What do you call a witch in the desert? A sandwitch. (No, that’s what they call me when I forget to put on lotion)
  5. What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay.
  6. Who do vampires buy their cookies from?  The Ghoul Scouts
  7. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
  8. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash!
  9. What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin.
  10. What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
  11. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party? Because everyone was a goblin!
  12. Why don’t skeletons like parties? They have no body to dance with.
  13. Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away. (do do doosh)
  14. What was the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
  15. What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice Scream.
  16. What did the mommy ghost say to the baby ghost? Don’t spook until you’re spoken to.
  17. What did the mummy say to the detective? Let’s wrap this case up.
  18. What’s a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
  19. What happened to the guy who couldn’t keep up payments to his exorcist? He got repossessed.
  20. What is a vampire’s favorite sport? Casketball.
  21. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? At the casketeria.
  22. What do birds give out on Halloween night? Tweets. (is that so? I never received any)
  23. What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newlywebbed.
  24. What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o.
  25. What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
  26. What do you give to a pumpkin trying to quit smoking? A pumpkin patch.
  27. How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
  28. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A necktarine
  29. What is a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Veinilla.
  30. What did the three vampires order at the bar? Two bloods and a blood light.
  31. Who are some of the werewolves cousins? The whatwolves, the whowolves, and the whenwolves.(This almost flew over my head)
  32. Why do mummies have so much trouble keeping friends? They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
  33. Where do mummies go for a swim? The dead sea.
  34. Why do mummies make excellent spies? They’re good at keeping things under wraps.
  35. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos.
  36. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? It raises their spirits. (As do they mine)
  37. What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi.
  38. What do skeletons say before they begin dining? Bone appetit!
  39. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
  40. Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.
  41. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
  42. What’s a monster’s favorite bean? A human bean.
  43. What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newlywebbed
  44. Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
  45. Where do most werewolves live? In howllywood, California (right next to me, to be exact)
  46. What do witches use in their hair? scare-spray
  47. What do you call a little monsters parents? mummy and deady
  48. Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.
  49. Why are vampires like false teeth? They all come out at night.
  50. What is Dracula’s favorite restaurant? Murder King (Which is on the corner of Moonset Blvd. Again, guys, I’m sleepy, ‘kay?)
  51. What do ghosts eat for breakfast? Boo-Berries.

And here I thought I was being original: Last year’s Halloween post. Or the year before that. I’m not sure. I think it was last year. Anyways… what are you going to be for Halloween? Tell me downstairs in the comment section!

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One thought on “What Did The Skeleton Say To The Vampire? And 51 Other Clever Halloween Jokes

  1. Pingback: Happy Halloween: How I Spent My Halloween Weekend | Saged & Confused

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