Wandering Wednesdays: Being Shameless at Target and Costco at Night

Welcome the new segment of sagedandconfused that I like to call “Wandering Wednesdays” in which I “wander” and post about my findings and experiences. This gives me a chance to post something new every Wednesday, which is pretty flipping exciting if I do say so myself. Today, I went to Target and Costco at night which is fitting seeing how the freaks come out at night anyways. I didn’t see any, but it would’ve been really cool if I would’ve.

SAM_3983Normally I hate going grocery shopping. It’s long, boring, and when I get home, we have to clean out the fridge and make room for the new food. Then wash all of the empty dishes and containers, which is straining and time consuming. Not only that, but it’s been cold recently and it gets dark a lot sooner than it does in the spring and summer months. But there is something about going out at night, that makes it more exciting.

(And look, a comet! I’m kidding. I’m not an idiot. I know that is not a comet. Obviously that is the UFO from the first season of the X-Files.)

SAM_3996You get to see the people that keep the same time as you do (though, when this picture was taken it was only just before 5 p.m. PST), the employees are grumpy because they have been working since early in the morning and don’t want to bother with helping you grab the bread because you’re only 5’5″, and you get to forget what you had actually came there to get because its late and you are really only looking to get back¬†home and watch TV¬† then go to sleep. Costco, was actually a lot emptier than it usually is,¬†which only reminded me that I was in a warehouse full of bulk options and substantial sizes of things you don’t need that much of, like cotton balls (Daria, anyone?). Target, on the other hand…
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…was full of unnecessary things I needed. Whenever I go to Target I break away from the pack to go look at the new t-shirts they got in. I have a mild obsession with graphic t-shirts, tank tops, sweaters, boy shorts¬†and caps. Really anything with¬†big words on it.¬†My real love is graphic t-shirts in the men’s department¬† because they had all of the funniest sayings and quotes but is seems as though the “Young Woman” section is stepping it up, because it was the hardest thing for me to put these sweaters back down.

Also, because I have a love for most things comic book (including DC Comics), I recently started watching “Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” and all I have to say is “Did you hear about Ward? That’s messed up right?!” Totally blew my mind in a really angry “WHY THE H#LL DID THAT HAPPEN?!” sort of way. I felt (feel) betrayed. The only thing I can do is remember how absolutely amazing the Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer looks, and fangirl over that. Having James Spader in it was what sold it for me, and I more than looking forward to him being a villain. I already know he is going to rock at it. With it being released in my birth month is also a plus.

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SAM_4032 I don’t usually go for the sunglasses, but when I do…

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SAM_4038I’m also not much of a purse girl, but today I felt unwittingly compelled to indulge in my inner girl and grab all the bags I could get my hands on.
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SAM_4043 Then I have a nice talk with some wallets, and wonder shortly why my assistant wasn’t talking back.

SAM_4046 What is the first thing you go for when you visit Target? And how annoyed were you with Ward’s change in character, if you watch Agent’s of S.H.I.E.L.D.? Do you hail hydra? Or are you a sheild? Join me Friday, as I go over some basic yoga moves for “Fitness Fridays”. Until next time. Sage Out.

Sentence Enhancers: 5 Curse Words I Wish I Could Get Away with Saying

Content Warning: contains almost curse words.

In light of the fact that it is the holiday season and most of you will be spending the time with your families, finding out that your cousin is gay, and your uncle is divorcing your aunt because she is actually a he, I have decided to make a list of curse words that I wish I could, but sadly cannot, say. Now, before you look at me with your judging eye let me explain.SAM_3607

I can’t not say these words¬†because we are an¬†immensely strict Christian family, or because I am not of age¬†(many kids my age curse), or because my tongue will burn if I do. But actually because I am scared out of my mind. I actually think my mom would let me get away with saying at least one of these, but every time I open my mouth to do it I have a mini panic attack. I mean, I actually feel rebellious when I sing “Uptown Funk” because in the outro he says “uptown funk you up” and it sounds so much like the “F-word”.¬†When I rap along with a Young Money song I literally sound like I am stuttering because I pause at every curse word.

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Imagine having to¬†sing the radio version of “I Don’t F*ck With You”. Do you know how¬†lame-o¬†that is? It takes away from the sharpness of the song. If Big Sean had actually came out with just that version of the¬†song, I have no doubt it would be nowhere near as popular as it is now. ¬†It’s even worse when my mom says “What did he say?” during a movie but I can’t reply or it takes away from the funny when I do because he cussed. *sigh* So, I am going to type the words I would like to say out loud. Heavily censored, of course.

Sentence Enhancer #1: D*mn

And all of it’s derivatives. That includes, but is not limited to: D*mmit, Godd*mn and Godd*mmit. Do you know how many times I have stubbed my toe and have had to yell “Oh! Darn It! That hurt really bad!” when it could’ve easily been wrapped up in a nice¬†“D*MN”¬† package? Too many to count.Follow our handy¬†Key & Peele¬†Halloween¬†costume guides¬†for tips and tricks on how to pull off some of the show‚Äôs most memorable characters. Character: A husband from¬†I¬†Said Bitch Costume: Sweater vest, button-down (bonus points: space suit) Tips: Look around nervously for wife, whisper ‚ÄúI said, biiiiiiiiiiiitch‚ÄĚ when the coast is clear Tune in this Wednesday at 10:30/9:30c for a very special¬†Halloween¬†episode of¬†Key & Peele!

Sentence Enhancer #2: B*tch

I can only imagine how fun to say it must be for most of you reading this. Do you know how many b*tches I have come in contact with but have had to settle with calling a “B-word” or “witch”? (and always behind her back) I might as well have just called her a meany or a dodo head, because¬†that’s how big of an affect those words have.

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Sentence Enhancer #3: F*ck

And all of it’s derivatives. Just typing it is spicy to me. Like eating wasabi alone, which I actually like to do when I eat sushi. I would type out all of the derivatives but I’m afraid I’d get flagged.

Sentence Enhancer #4: Sh*t

And all of it’s derivatives. Including but not limited to “sh*thead and bullsh*tting”. I wouldn’t even use this word in an obscene way. Just when I was surprised or scared or when my heart was beating. The obvious times.

Sentence Enhancer #5: *ss

One word. Music. Do you know how many songs are about what this word symbolizes, nowadays?! Do you know how lame it is to say “butt” in replace of that?!

Oh, yeah. And “p*ssed”. I mean, why not. I get p*ssed just like the rest of you. Just when I do it, it’s called “really mad”. ¬†Keep in mind, I mean to offend no one. This is just my personal opinion.¬† Also, what curse words do you wish you can say to that family member this holiday season? Tell me in the comment section below. Sage Out.

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