Sentence Enhancers: 5 Curse Words I Wish I Could Get Away with Saying

Content Warning: contains almost curse words.

In light of the fact that it is the holiday season and most of you will be spending the time with your families, finding out that your cousin is gay, and your uncle is divorcing your aunt because she is actually a he, I have decided to make a list of curse words that I wish I could, but sadly cannot, say. Now, before you look at me with your judging eye let me explain.SAM_3607

I can’t not say these words¬†because we are an¬†immensely strict Christian family, or because I am not of age¬†(many kids my age curse), or because my tongue will burn if I do. But actually because I am scared out of my mind. I actually think my mom would let me get away with saying at least one of these, but every time I open my mouth to do it I have a mini panic attack. I mean, I actually feel rebellious when I sing “Uptown Funk” because in the outro he says “uptown funk you up” and it sounds so much like the “F-word”.¬†When I rap along with a Young Money song I literally sound like I am stuttering because I pause at every curse word.


Imagine having to¬†sing the radio version of “I Don’t F*ck With You”. Do you know how¬†lame-o¬†that is? It takes away from the sharpness of the song. If Big Sean had actually came out with just that version of the¬†song, I have no doubt it would be nowhere near as popular as it is now. ¬†It’s even worse when my mom says “What did he say?” during a movie but I can’t reply or it takes away from the funny when I do because he cussed. *sigh* So, I am going to type the words I would like to say out loud. Heavily censored, of course.

Sentence Enhancer #1: D*mn

And all of it’s derivatives. That includes, but is not limited to: D*mmit, Godd*mn and Godd*mmit. Do you know how many times I have stubbed my toe and have had to yell “Oh! Darn It! That hurt really bad!” when it could’ve easily been wrapped up in a nice¬†“D*MN”¬† package? Too many to count.Follow our handy¬†Key & Peele¬†Halloween¬†costume guides¬†for tips and tricks on how to pull off some of the show‚Äôs most memorable characters. Character: A husband from¬†I¬†Said Bitch Costume: Sweater vest, button-down (bonus points: space suit) Tips: Look around nervously for wife, whisper ‚ÄúI said, biiiiiiiiiiiitch‚ÄĚ when the coast is clear Tune in this Wednesday at 10:30/9:30c for a very special¬†Halloween¬†episode of¬†Key & Peele!

Sentence Enhancer #2: B*tch

I can only imagine how fun to say it must be for most of you reading this. Do you know how many b*tches I have come in contact with but have had to settle with calling a “B-word” or “witch”? (and always behind her back) I might as well have just called her a meany or a dodo head, because¬†that’s how big of an affect those words have.


Sentence Enhancer #3: F*ck

And all of it’s derivatives. Just typing it is spicy to me. Like eating wasabi alone, which I actually like to do when I eat sushi. I would type out all of the derivatives but I’m afraid I’d get flagged.

Sentence Enhancer #4: Sh*t

And all of it’s derivatives. Including but not limited to “sh*thead and bullsh*tting”. I wouldn’t even use this word in an obscene way. Just when I was surprised or scared or when my heart was beating. The obvious times.

Sentence Enhancer #5: *ss

One word. Music. Do you know how many songs are about what this word symbolizes, nowadays?! Do you know how lame it is to say “butt” in replace of that?!

Oh, yeah. And “p*ssed”. I mean, why not. I get p*ssed just like the rest of you. Just when I do it, it’s called “really mad”. ¬†Keep in mind, I mean to offend no one. This is just my personal opinion.¬† Also, what curse words do you wish you can say to that family member this holiday season? Tell me in the comment section below. Sage Out.


Watching Them Eat Chocolate Chip Pancakes With Blueberries


I don’t know if you guys know this¬†but, I don’t like blueberries. There is a long story behind the reason why, but all that matters is that at the end of the day I¬†can’t eat¬†fresh blueberries. Yes, fresh blueberries. I know it’s weird, but I find them disgusting. They taste like medicine. I can eat them frozen (like in a smoothie), I can even stomach them baked (sometimes). But I cannot eat a fresh blueberry. They’re gross. The reason I bring this up is because, everybody else in my family loves them. They can eat them on anything sweet, and I just don’t understand this nonsense. Take the other day, for example. They put them on chocolate chip pancakes.



Who needs blueberries when there are¬†chocolate chips? I can understand strawberries, bananas, or even raspberries (which I love)¬†but blueberries are just a bit much in my personal opinion. Maybe that’s because I find them disgusting. I had the very same thing for breakfast, by the way, and it was still very good without the blueberries.


I don’t know if down the line I’ll like blueberries. It wouldn’t be completely unheard of for me because there was a time when I didn’t like avocados, cream of wheat, or mushrooms as well. Either for their smell, texture, or both. But now I can stomach avocados, but only sometimes; and I can handle cream of wheat but only a little. And the only time I can stand mushrooms is when they are on a pizza, and even then I have to take off the big pieces. There’s actually a list of foods I don’t like or have to be cooked a certain way or can’t eat too much of with getting nauseous. My sister actually says I don’t like “food” but that’s impossible because I eat all the time and enjoy it. So, there. I would go into that now, but I am going to have to save that one for a rainy day because I know just how badly you guys want to hear about it.


What foods don’t you guys like as much as I don’t like blueberries (among other things)? Tell me in the comment section below! Until later.¬†Sage Out.

Out To Trader Joes


Went to Trader Joes. Everybody loves TJ’s. It’s convenient and there are a lot¬†of fresh foods that you can get when you don’t feel like waiting for the Farmer’s Market to open. So, when we went¬†a month ago to grab some things I needed for a recipe for almond-pesto¬†wheat pasta (my sister has a nut-allergy) I decided I would take pictures while we were there. But, notice, all of the pictures we took are outside of Trader Joes. Here’s what happened:

Before we left that afternoon I’d asked my older sister, Ari, to take pictures of me while we were out. She agreed to do it but as soon as we got there she dispersed, having forgotten about what I asked her to do. I didn’t think much of it until we were talking about leaving (which we wouldn’t do for another 10-20 minutes) and I asked her one more time if she would take the pictures for me. She said, “Uhm, okay… where do you want it?” She sounded nervous and was looking around, shifty-eyed as I grabbed my camera out of my bag. “Over there, by the bread.” I said handing her my camera. “Are you okay?” I asked and she responded with a quick, “Yeah, I’m fine. We should… wait until there aren’t as many people over there.” She said. And I agreed and we quickly went on our merry way, that is until we were about to leave for real this time, and my mom and other sisters were at the cash register about to pay for the food.


“You ready?” I asked her. “Yeah. Okay.” She said and we walked over to the bread, now feeling slightly rushed as the cashier quickly rung up our things. “There are just so many people over there.” She muttered and I looked up at her with a grin, “Are you nervous?” I asked.

“Yeah! I’m nervous! There are so many people– Like, employees and stuff– and I don’t want them to catch us.” It felt like a heist and we were about to steal something but there were cops everywhere. Like trying to jack a car on Mafia II and there are police looking everywhere for you. And all we were trying to do was take a picture.

“Okay, maybe if we take it quick. They won’t notice us.” I said.

“Okay, okay, okay, okay, kay, kay, kay.” She said, still looking a little hesitant. “No. I can’t do it. There are too many employees. What if somebody catches us.”

“Okay. I understand. We won’t do it.”

“Noooo. Okay. We can do it. I said I would do it for you, so I’m gonna do it.”

“You don’t have to…”


“No. Come on, let’s do it.” We walk toward the bread and we stand over there and she is looking around very apprehensive and suspicious. I tell her once more that we do not have to do this because I fear they are going to think we are trying to steal something and she answers, “No. I just– I’m nervous.” I tell her that I understand and suggest she stands between the aisles in front of the bread so that nobody can see her. She¬†couldn’t do that either. When we finally get outside because my mom was becoming impatient– for good reason, too. It took us eight years.– Ari suggested we take pictures in front of the store, which she was totally down for, yet I was really nervous about. But I still agreed to do because we were going home and I had no idea what else we’d take a picture of. Oh the joys of being a beginner lifestyle blogger.


Tell me, were our struggles worth it? Lie to me– unless it’s what I want to hear, then tell me the truth. Until later. Sage Out.

French Toast and Goddess Oolong Tea Breakfast


I had breakfast again today. And it was very delicious. It consisted of gluten-free bread, with your regular egg, milk, and cinnamon covering, fresh strawberries, plums, and blueberries with crushed almonds.


Top it off with some maple syrup, and it was a breakfast for the ages.

To drink, I had Goddess Oolong tea from Adagio’s.

I got it online for my mom online for her birthday and it tastes so fresh and clean and smooth. It gives energy and helps for losing weight though that wasn’t really a concern of ours. What was a concern was the fact that it¬†also depletes your calcium which we learned only after my mom started losing her nails. It’s a gift to remember.


Just remembering breakfast gives me happy feelings. What did you have for breakfast this morning?

So Today Is Thanksgiving


¬°Hola friends! It’s been ages since my last post, and I sincerely apologize. Computer problems. But none the less I either made or found something special for the lot of you.¬† Below is a card¬† with an original poem by yours truly for the gals and a video for the guys. Honestly¬†both sexes¬†can read either one. Neither is too masculine or feminine for the other.¬†¬†But what I say in the poem, some guys just won’t care about. So, your choice.¬†But now¬†I must go finish watching my telenovelas! See you guys on the late.

For las muchachas: (Click the picture to read the card. It’s not a virus or anything. Just a digital card.)


For los muchachos:

Hopefully your¬†Thanksgiving is better than Riley’s.¬†ūüėČ

Last Years Thanksgiving post: Happy Turkey Day!

May you survive your relatives.

Happy Halloween: How I Spent My Halloween Weekend

Picture23So,¬†a couple of days ago I revealed my plans to stay home and watch scary movies all day and then go out around 8 to go trick or treating with the fam. My day went sort of like that. In the morning we did our normal morning thing of getting on the computer for a couple of hours, but then we decided to go to Costco to pick up a couple of pizzas to eat when we came back from trick or treating. We spent about an hour or so¬†debating whether or not we were all going to go and if we were going to wear our costumes. Once we figured all that out and had come to the conclusion that we would all be leaving and not wearing costumes we left and had a nice day of shopping for pizzas–which turned into a day¬†of shopping for breakfast, and lunch as well.¬†On the way there, they played Thriller which was pretty exciting, seeing how my sister saw the music video and heard the song for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I mean, she wasn’t as excited as we were, but I still thoroughly enjoyed it.

Upon coming home a couple of hours before we were scheduled to go trick or treating, I had expected to sit down and watch a scary movie, which we did not do, of course. Because that would just be what  I wanted, so instead we ate and transferred my kid sister from her regular clothes to her costume. She was set to be a firefighter, set with an ax, whistle, and hard hat. She looked pretty legit.


My eonnie, second kid sister (or first, since she is older), and mommy all got into our costumes after that. We left the house around 7:30/7:45 because we could wait no longer (the firefighter was being obscenely pushy) and we began our trick or treating escapade. Upon arriving, though, it seemed as though it was a trick rather than a treat. In the neighborhood that we usually trick or treat at, it was completely dark. The lights in just about all of the houses were off, and there appeared to be no cars in the drive ways. It was creepy. It was pitch dark, save for the few street lamps, and we could see no trick or treaters. We nearly gave up when we saw a group of kids walking away from one of the houses, and next to that, another group of kids coming out of another house.  We decided to park, leave my eonnie in the car and walk around some.



As it turns out, they actually were supposed to stop¬†handing out candy at eight, whereas it started at 6. We didn’t get the memo. Go figure.

Lydia, the one on the left, dressed as a gypsy. And she wasn’t cold at all, so don’t trip.¬†*Note: Sarcasm*

One of the houses was blasting Michael Jackson music (Beat It, to be specific) and had a lot of lights and extensive decorating, I even think they were barbecuing.¬†Another house that was in the Halloween spirit, was in the shape of a shoe (I’m lying) and had a witch that lived inside (she was sorta kinda almost mean), and another was handing out big chocolate bars. But still, a lot of the house’s lights were off and¬†people weren’t answering the doors, as per what we saw from the group of girls we were sort of kind of following. ¬†We walked for what felt like hours, but was probably only, like,¬† 20 or 30 minutes and toward the end of our trip we¬†ended up at a house that had an older gentleman who was afraid he’d ran out of candy and recalled that last year he had actually ran out of candy and had to go and get some more. I don’t know this man, but he felt the need to say it, so I felt the need to listen. I stood in the back as my sisters yelled “Trick or Treat!” along with the other children and he gave each of them two pieces of candy (talk about stingy).¬† When he saw me, he said, “I am going to give this young lady here a mint chocolate, because she is just standing back here so cool.”¬†Mission¬†accomplished. Goal achieved. My costume of “Cooler than you” was a success. (To see what I am talking about: click here)


I thanked him and we made our way back to the car.



When we got home we put the pizza in the oven: Cheese.


and pepperoni


And while it baked we had an impromptu “Trick and find” as my mommy calls it, because my sister felt as though she didn’t get enough candy and go to the 15 houses she wanted to visit (literally). The game basically was my sister hiding¬†some surprise candy (chocolate and starbursts) around the house and the firefighter and gypsy were supposed to find them. They were hidden in plain sight, yet it took them 8 years to find them all. After the pizza finished baking, I ate my first piece of chocolate that night:


Hershey’s Extra Creamy Milk Chocolate with almonds and toffee which came in a pack with three other kinds of chocolate:


Special Dark with almonds (which actually has two whole almonds inside), regular milk chocolate, and milk chocolate with (crushed) almonds. This ish was delicious. I don’t know if it was because I was chocolate deprived, but it was the most delicious thing I had ever eaten. The right¬†kind of crunch and the right kind of sweetness. I was like, yum. Then I grabbed a starburst. My first starburst in years. (Not because I’m on a diet or anything, but simply because we don’t eat a lot of candy.) And all I have to say is, have¬†they always been this delicious?


So, we ate pizza. I had two pieces of pepperoni and two pieces of cheese along with the cesar salad.


We watched The Twilight Zone, One on One, The Haunting Hour, and a hand full of other things. Wasn’t necessarily what I was talking about when I said scary, but it worked out just fine. ūüôā Over the weekend we watched the Halloween episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, titled “Fear, Itself“–Loved it– American Horror Story: Murder House–hated it (we started it ages ago and finally decided to finish the first episode. Bad idea.)– And Total Recall–absolutely adore it. I hope you guys had a great Halloween, and though this is late, an enjoyable Day of The dead for those who celebrate it. More stuff coming soon. ūüíč


What Did The Skeleton Say To The Vampire? And 51 Other Clever Halloween Jokes

So, the answer to that question is: You suck. I know, I know. Hilarious. Get up off the floor from laughing so hard. Okay, okay. It’s¬†2 am,¬†okay guys? Cut me some slack. Sheesh.

I honestly have no idea what I am going to be for Halloween. The only thing I can think of is “cooler than you”.¬† I feel like October just started and I should be getting ready for my sisters’ birthday (October 2nd and 16th). It’s not like it crept up on me, It’s just I was so unprepared for this month that I spent this month preparing for it, if that makes any sense. But, nonetheless, I plan to stay in the house all day watching scary movies (I’ll tell you how that goes) and then go trick or treating with the fam around 8.¬† Should be exciting. Thoroughly looking forward to it. I’m so stoked. This is so thrilling. (<== see what I¬†did there?) I know those sound sarcastic, but they’re genuine like ginuwine. I think that should be a Halloween joke all on it’s own. Speaking of witch here are 51 clever Halloween jokes that’ll make you say

  1. Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately. (Tee hee)
  2. What do you call someone who puts poison in a person’s corn flakes? A cereal killer.
  3. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
  4. What do you call a witch in the desert? A sandwitch. (No, that’s what they call me when I forget to put on lotion)
  5. What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay.
  6. Who do vampires buy their cookies from?  The Ghoul Scouts
  7. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
  8. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash!
  9. What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin.
  10. What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
  11. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party? Because everyone was a goblin!
  12. Why don’t skeletons like parties? They have no body to dance with.
  13. Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away. (do do doosh)
  14. What was the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
  15. What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice Scream.
  16. What did the mommy ghost say to the baby ghost? Don’t spook until you’re spoken to.
  17. What did the mummy say to the detective? Let’s wrap this case up.
  18. What’s a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
  19. What happened to the guy who couldn’t keep up payments to his exorcist? He got repossessed.
  20. What is a vampire’s favorite sport? Casketball.
  21. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? At the casketeria.
  22. What do birds give out on Halloween night? Tweets. (is that so? I never received any)
  23. What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newlywebbed.
  24. What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o.
  25. What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
  26. What do you give to a pumpkin trying to quit smoking? A pumpkin patch.
  27. How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
  28. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A necktarine
  29. What is a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Veinilla.
  30. What did the three vampires order at the bar? Two bloods and a blood light.
  31. Who are some of the werewolves cousins? The whatwolves, the whowolves, and the whenwolves.(This almost flew over my head)
  32. Why do mummies have so much trouble keeping friends? They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
  33. Where do mummies go for a swim? The dead sea.
  34. Why do mummies make excellent spies? They’re good at keeping things under wraps.
  35. Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos.
  36. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? It raises their spirits. (As do they mine)
  37. What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi.
  38. What do skeletons say before they begin dining? Bone appetit!
  39. Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.
  40. Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers.
  41. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
  42. What’s a monster’s favorite bean? A human bean.
  43. What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newlywebbed
  44. Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
  45. Where do most werewolves live? In howllywood, California (right next to me, to be exact)
  46. What do witches use in their hair? scare-spray
  47. What do you call a little monsters parents? mummy and deady
  48. Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.
  49. Why are vampires like false teeth? They all come out at night.
  50. What is Dracula’s favorite restaurant? Murder King (Which is on the corner of Moonset Blvd. Again, guys, I’m sleepy, ‘kay?)
  51. What do ghosts eat for breakfast? Boo-Berries.

And here I thought I was being original: Last year’s Halloween post. Or the year before that. I’m not sure. I think it was last year. Anyways… what are you going to be for Halloween? Tell me downstairs in the comment section!