Sentence Enhancers: 5 Curse Words I Wish I Could Get Away with Saying

Content Warning: contains almost curse words.

In light of the fact that it is the holiday season and most of you will be spending the time with your families, finding out that your cousin is gay, and your uncle is divorcing your aunt because she is actually a he, I have decided to make a list of curse words that I wish I could, but sadly cannot, say. Now, before you look at me with your judging eye let me explain.SAM_3607

I can’t not say these words¬†because we are an¬†immensely strict Christian family, or because I am not of age¬†(many kids my age curse), or because my tongue will burn if I do. But actually because I am scared out of my mind. I actually think my mom would let me get away with saying at least one of these, but every time I open my mouth to do it I have a mini panic attack. I mean, I actually feel rebellious when I sing “Uptown Funk” because in the outro he says “uptown funk you up” and it sounds so much like the “F-word”.¬†When I rap along with a Young Money song I literally sound like I am stuttering because I pause at every curse word.

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Imagine having to¬†sing the radio version of “I Don’t F*ck With You”. Do you know how¬†lame-o¬†that is? It takes away from the sharpness of the song. If Big Sean had actually came out with just that version of the¬†song, I have no doubt it would be nowhere near as popular as it is now. ¬†It’s even worse when my mom says “What did he say?” during a movie but I can’t reply or it takes away from the funny when I do because he cussed. *sigh* So, I am going to type the words I would like to say out loud. Heavily censored, of course.

Sentence Enhancer #1: D*mn

And all of it’s derivatives. That includes, but is not limited to: D*mmit, Godd*mn and Godd*mmit. Do you know how many times I have stubbed my toe and have had to yell “Oh! Darn It! That hurt really bad!” when it could’ve easily been wrapped up in a nice¬†“D*MN”¬† package? Too many to count.Follow our handy¬†Key & Peele¬†Halloween¬†costume guides¬†for tips and tricks on how to pull off some of the show‚Äôs most memorable characters. Character: A husband from¬†I¬†Said Bitch Costume: Sweater vest, button-down (bonus points: space suit) Tips: Look around nervously for wife, whisper ‚ÄúI said, biiiiiiiiiiiitch‚ÄĚ when the coast is clear Tune in this Wednesday at 10:30/9:30c for a very special¬†Halloween¬†episode of¬†Key & Peele!

Sentence Enhancer #2: B*tch

I can only imagine how fun to say it must be for most of you reading this. Do you know how many b*tches I have come in contact with but have had to settle with calling a “B-word” or “witch”? (and always behind her back) I might as well have just called her a meany or a dodo head, because¬†that’s how big of an affect those words have.

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Sentence Enhancer #3: F*ck

And all of it’s derivatives. Just typing it is spicy to me. Like eating wasabi alone, which I actually like to do when I eat sushi. I would type out all of the derivatives but I’m afraid I’d get flagged.

Sentence Enhancer #4: Sh*t

And all of it’s derivatives. Including but not limited to “sh*thead and bullsh*tting”. I wouldn’t even use this word in an obscene way. Just when I was surprised or scared or when my heart was beating. The obvious times.

Sentence Enhancer #5: *ss

One word. Music. Do you know how many songs are about what this word symbolizes, nowadays?! Do you know how lame it is to say “butt” in replace of that?!

Oh, yeah. And “p*ssed”. I mean, why not. I get p*ssed just like the rest of you. Just when I do it, it’s called “really mad”. ¬†Keep in mind, I mean to offend no one. This is just my personal opinion.¬† Also, what curse words do you wish you can say to that family member this holiday season? Tell me in the comment section below. Sage Out.

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Out To Trader Joes

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Went to Trader Joes. Everybody loves TJ’s. It’s convenient and there are a lot¬†of fresh foods that you can get when you don’t feel like waiting for the Farmer’s Market to open. So, when we went¬†a month ago to grab some things I needed for a recipe for almond-pesto¬†wheat pasta (my sister has a nut-allergy) I decided I would take pictures while we were there. But, notice, all of the pictures we took are outside of Trader Joes. Here’s what happened:

Before we left that afternoon I’d asked my older sister, Ari, to take pictures of me while we were out. She agreed to do it but as soon as we got there she dispersed, having forgotten about what I asked her to do. I didn’t think much of it until we were talking about leaving (which we wouldn’t do for another 10-20 minutes) and I asked her one more time if she would take the pictures for me. She said, “Uhm, okay… where do you want it?” She sounded nervous and was looking around, shifty-eyed as I grabbed my camera out of my bag. “Over there, by the bread.” I said handing her my camera. “Are you okay?” I asked and she responded with a quick, “Yeah, I’m fine. We should… wait until there aren’t as many people over there.” She said. And I agreed and we quickly went on our merry way, that is until we were about to leave for real this time, and my mom and other sisters were at the cash register about to pay for the food.

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“You ready?” I asked her. “Yeah. Okay.” She said and we walked over to the bread, now feeling slightly rushed as the cashier quickly rung up our things. “There are just so many people over there.” She muttered and I looked up at her with a grin, “Are you nervous?” I asked.

“Yeah! I’m nervous! There are so many people– Like, employees and stuff– and I don’t want them to catch us.” It felt like a heist and we were about to steal something but there were cops everywhere. Like trying to jack a car on Mafia II and there are police looking everywhere for you. And all we were trying to do was take a picture.

“Okay, maybe if we take it quick. They won’t notice us.” I said.

“Okay, okay, okay, okay, kay, kay, kay.” She said, still looking a little hesitant. “No. I can’t do it. There are too many employees. What if somebody catches us.”

“Okay. I understand. We won’t do it.”

“Noooo. Okay. We can do it. I said I would do it for you, so I’m gonna do it.”

“You don’t have to…”

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“No. Come on, let’s do it.” We walk toward the bread and we stand over there and she is looking around very apprehensive and suspicious. I tell her once more that we do not have to do this because I fear they are going to think we are trying to steal something and she answers, “No. I just– I’m nervous.” I tell her that I understand and suggest she stands between the aisles in front of the bread so that nobody can see her. She¬†couldn’t do that either. When we finally get outside because my mom was becoming impatient– for good reason, too. It took us eight years.– Ari suggested we take pictures in front of the store, which she was totally down for, yet I was really nervous about. But I still agreed to do because we were going home and I had no idea what else we’d take a picture of. Oh the joys of being a beginner lifestyle blogger.

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Tell me, were our struggles worth it? Lie to me– unless it’s what I want to hear, then tell me the truth. Until later. Sage Out.

French Toast and Goddess Oolong Tea Breakfast

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I had breakfast again today. And it was very delicious. It consisted of gluten-free bread, with your regular egg, milk, and cinnamon covering, fresh strawberries, plums, and blueberries with crushed almonds.

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Top it off with some maple syrup, and it was a breakfast for the ages.

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To drink, I had Goddess Oolong tea from Adagio’s.

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I got it online for my mom online for her birthday and it tastes so fresh and clean and smooth. It gives energy and helps for losing weight though that wasn’t really a concern of ours. What was a concern was the fact that it¬†also depletes your calcium which we learned only after my mom started losing her nails. It’s a gift to remember.

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Just remembering breakfast gives me happy feelings. What did you have for breakfast this morning?

So Today Is Thanksgiving

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¬°Hola friends! It’s been ages since my last post, and I sincerely apologize. Computer problems. But none the less I either made or found something special for the lot of you.¬† Below is a card¬† with an original poem by yours truly for the gals and a video for the guys. Honestly¬†both sexes¬†can read either one. Neither is too masculine or feminine for the other.¬†¬†But what I say in the poem, some guys just won’t care about. So, your choice.¬†But now¬†I must go finish watching my telenovelas! See you guys on the late.

For las muchachas: (Click the picture to read the card. It’s not a virus or anything. Just a digital card.)

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For los muchachos:

Hopefully your¬†Thanksgiving is better than Riley’s.¬†ūüėČ


Last Years Thanksgiving post: Happy Turkey Day!

May you survive your relatives.

Have Breakfast with Me, Yeah?: How to Make Almond Butter Toast on Gluten-Free Bread

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So, I had breakfast¬†this morning¬†and…¬†I¬†decided to take pictures of it.¬†¬†It was vegan and¬†vegetarian, but as somebody who’s used to healthy eating, it didn’t taste like it. It was delish and very filling despite the fact that it was only two pieces of gluten-free bread.¬†This is not much of a how-to, because in my personal opinion, it’s pretty self-explanatory. But, I’ll explain what I did,¬†anyway.

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¬†First things First (I’m the realest):

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So, you start with bread. I know, I know, shocking– but it’s necessary in this recipe. I chose the multi-grain, gluten-free bread from Costco. You would think that it would be either hard or dry, but surprisingly it was neither. When I first tasted this, as a part of a diet we were trying out, to¬†me, it tasted like¬†sweet sponge, and¬†it was the consistency of a sponge as well. But after you toast it (which I did in a pan, with no oil on high heat), it is actually quite delectable.

I took this particular picture¬†outside and it was so hot I am pretty sure the bag melted, like literally melted — either that or I nearly ripped it…. It’s hot guys! OKAY?! (No judging.)¬†But it doesn’t matter, it’s bread and it’s gluten-free¬†and it isn’t disgusting. I think that’s all that truly matters. Also, doesn’t that font just put you in such a Halloween mood?¬†Try and say¬†“Ah! I’m melting!” in your best wicked witch voice. Go ‘head try it. You know you want to. Nobody’s watching you but me.¬†*sigh* I love Halloween……

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Next,¬†spread on your almond butter (creamy not chunky), also from Costco. The other brand (I won’t drop names, it’s rude… MaraNatha. Who said that?)¬†had salmonella or something, and I’m pretty sure I had bacteria stuck in my intestine that made me look like I was having an alien child because only one portion of my stomach was bloated. It literally looked like a portion of my intestine had swollen up, like half of my entire torso had expanded outward. I sort of expected to give birth to E.T. the next time I sat down to use the bathroom.

et come home_758x214¬†But that’s neither here nor there, and It’s kind of weird to talk about amidst talking about food so I am just going to drop it…¬†Just remember, stick with Costco brand almond butter.

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Next, sprinkle on about a teaspoon or two of chia seed. It’ll be crunchy, but because it helps with digestion (which you’ll need help with if you’ve been eating a certain almond butter from a certain brand.. MaraNatha),¬†it’s worth it¬†and if you sprinkle a little honey and cinnamon of your choice¬†you can hardly taste it.

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Have with a glass of cold water, and maybe a banana and that is what we call the breakfast of champions. That is all for now. If (when) you try it, come back here and tell me what you think. If you love it, great; if you hate it, I hate you. I’m just kidding. Maybe. No, I’m really kidding.

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P.S. How many of you did your wicked with voice out loud? Tell me in the comment section below. Everybody who does it gets kudos in my next post for being awesome.


For more on¬†what‚Äôs going on here¬†visit ‚ÄúThe Idea‚ÄĚ and if you have suggestions as to things I can try visit¬†‚ÄúThe Suggestion Box‚Ä̬†or comment below¬†I would love to hear what you have to say!